When it all comes crumbling down

Hello fuzzbutts.

That headline alone probably hit you in the feels. That’s ok. We’ve all hit those roadblocks. Those times where our plans suddenly fall through the floor or go up in smoke. Those times when you want a little support and nobody seems to have the time or the words. Things are breaking down and you’re on the verge of panic. The rough times. The etc etc.

Often times, there’s not much you can do about it. You have a couple of straws to grasp at but they don’t give you the sense of control to help you feel better. So here’s a couple of pieces of advice.

Stop. Just stop. Take a breath and calm down. Your mind is racing and telling you that there’s no time but there is. You need to pause and take control of your thoughts. Do some free-writing on the subject and you will feel a little more calm.

Keeps the lines of communication open. People who might not have been there when it happened when you were at your lowest might be there later. Accept their support if and when it arrives.

Finally, most of these things will pass. I’ve had plenty of cases in my life where it felt like my life was being flipped upside down, grinding my teeth at night, and waking up with a sense of dread. So what happened? I don’t remember. For something to make me feel so worried and panicked, I can’t even remember now. I remember how I felt but not the event. Think back to the last time this happened to you and realize the event wasn’t so terrible or at least helped you become the fuzzbutt you are now. This is different but it’s not THAT different.

When the problem hits, establish a little sense of calm in your life. Then realize this event might be changing your life but you are in control of how you respond to it. You’ll make it, fuzzbutts. Good luck out there.

RP to Straighten out your Thoughts

Good morning, fuzzbutts!

Sorry for the late update. It’s been pretty busy lately with a sick doggo, fumigating the home, yard work and painting. It’s been super productive but I let myself be late with this post. The good news is I got a lot of stuff done and learned a bit more about my goals and what I want to do.

Speaking of sorting things out, I’ve been trying a new technique to get myself out of my own way. If you’re not the biggest fan of journaling to write down everything and sort yourself out, you might want to try running through some roleplay in your head instead.

To do this, close your eyes and imagine your fursona feeling the way you do right now. Then, place them in a situation that can be similar to your own. Then it’s time for you to picture and imagine how they would deal with it or have them talk out whatever is going on with another fursona. Here’s an example where I felt like something was wrong but couldn’t figure out why:

Kulkun, a wuff, is pouring over notes on his desk at the lab. He looks bored, or maybe unhappily busy. Everything is quiet in the office until Kaliki, a rabbit, walks into the office with a stack of papers and drops the heavy stack onto another table. She seems frustrated or maybe a little irritated.

“Am I screwing up? I feel like I screwing up something.” Kulkun asks, still staring at a page of notes. Kaliki sighs and turns toward Kulkun.

“You’re not screwing up anything in particular. You’re just not doing the things we should be doing.” Kaliki responds. “You’ve been picking too many projects and a lot of them aren’t even what we started all this for. The dye project isn’t even worth it.”

“The dye cost me enough money I don’t want to abandon the project. It’ll get finished soon.”

“Soon? You’re not working on it, though. You need to either dump it or finish it so we can get to work on something else. That dye program is eating way too much time and causing us a lot of trouble. You don’t work on it because you don’t want to. We need to get back on track.”

“Look, it was expensive and we can still make the money back and then some. So we should work on it and get it done.” Kulkun says stubbornly, standing up. Kaliki folds her arms across her chest, one ear perking up.

“So when? We have to get focused.”

“Now. Every day until we get it done. I’m sorry for not focusing on this and putting you through this. We really should get back to having fun and enjoying the work we do.” Kulkun says, speaking with a bit more resolve. Kaliki perks up a little bit, both of their moods improving.

“Ok. Let’s do it.”

Alright so that was useful and let’s review. I felt like something was wrong. I couldn’t really pinpoint it. Both of my characters were feeling the same thing but by asking Kaliki, the overall issue of “I’m doing too many things” surfaced with one in particular standing out as a bad project. In my real life case, it was making tails for extra cash. There’s resistance to dropping it from my life because I threw so much money into it (Sunk-cost fallacy of throwing good time and money after bad. I’ve discussed this concept in the past). Still, I confronted the fact it’s not a good thing to work on and that I haven’t been seriously trying to get it done, letting it bother me instead. In the end, I realized I need to get focused and spend time every day on it to finish it. I entered this exercise just feeling like something was wrong or I was doing something wrong and came out of it with a plan!

Give this a shot to address how you feel or how you need to approach something or to approach your mood and why you feel certain ways. I haven’t decided if this is more effective than journaling but it’s definitely a bit more fun!

Good luck, fuzzbutts!

Being Pawsitive!

Good morning Fuzzbutts!

One thing I keep seeing furries do on social media like Twitter or Ferzu, is furries just begging for compliments, posting about how depressed or lonely they are, or even going as far as to wonder aloud to a bunch of strangers whether anyone would notice if they were gone. I swear my head wants to slam on the desk every time I see these posts. It’s not unexpected- we’re a huge bunch of social misfits who dress up in animal costumes to have fun! Still, don’t publicize your negative mood and expect anything other than pity responses to help you feel better. Pity responses help you feel better until you reach the end of the response. Then you’re back to waiting for other pity posts. Worse, if nobody responds to it, you end up making yourself feel even more badly!

I don’t recall anyone I’ve met and had a good, lasting relationship with so long as I was sad or seeking attention by being negative. I haven’t seen anyone create strong bonds through it either. We’ve got to do a better job of presenting ourselves in a positive light if we want to attract the best people. So how do we get out of a bad funk that isn’t an actual chemical imbalance?

Help people! Not just other furries but anyone. You need to find a way to be positive. For all those “Would anyone notice if I’m gone?” posts I see, I silently ask “Well do you do anything that others will remember you? Why would they notice if you’re gone if you spend your life living in your head? Why is it so important to be remembered anyway so long as YOU know you’re doing something important?”

Find a charitable cause you support and toss a small gift to them. Doesn’t have to be a huge gift. Also give it somewhere it will be appreciated. I’ve met fuzzbutts who just want hand-outs and then don’t appreciate what they receive, if anything. I donate toys or cash to a children’s hospital where the proceeds go to buying supplies and toys for kids who may be at the lowest point of their lives. I’ve never met a single child there (medical privacy and all) but I know those kids need some help after all the times going into there and find the donation bin was empty until I showed up.

Sadly, not everyone will be in the right frame of mind when you’re trying to help. Learn to recognize when people genuinely want help or when they just want to complain. The former is somebody to interact with while the latter will drag you down. Protect yourself from the drainers and meet the great fuzzbutts in the fandom.

I’ve met more cool people in this fandom by being a “cool dude” according to them, being a positive and optimistic person. I like to start by believing the best in the new people I meet and keep habits in my life that focus on others and trying to be helpful. Whenever I feel bad, I don’t post it for the world to see unless I’m also posting a solution to the problem. If you want to improve your life and feel better, start reaching out more in service of others and not to beg. You’ll feel better and more productive with your life!

Good luck fuzzbutts!

Wednesday Tailtip: Journaling and free-writing

Hello fuzzbutts!

I wanted to tell you today about the importance of journaling. No, I don’t quite mean “Dear Diary, I had a cupcake for breakfast this afternoon.” I mean more on the level of free-writing. How does it work?

Pen to Paper for 10 minutes.

That’s it. Just sit down with a notebook or paper and start writing the flood of words from your brain. It doesn’t have to make sense or sound intelligent. You just write whatever pops into your head. You might start with writing about what you need to do that day and then that time little Chester knocked your ham sandwich out of your hand in third grade. Doing this unlocks parts of your mind where you might have been holding onto stress, sad events, times of injustice, etc which you might not have realized you were still thinking about.

Initially, doing these pages might end up filling papers with a rush of sad or angry thoughts. That’s healthy to vent them out onto the page. Identifying the things that are still troubling you will help you let go of those feelings. Eventually, you’ll start writing less depressing things and start to consider your place in the world. Maybe you’ll just start writing about your goals and how to achieve them.

You can write as long as you feel the need to but try to squeeze in at least 10 minutes a day. You can do it anytime. Sometimes I’ll take a break at work and write some stuff out. If you want to read them later, that’s ok. Just DON’T SHOW ANYONE ELSE. These are your private thoughts. Another option is to just throw away the page as soon as you’re done with it like I do.